Tears Of Fire

Drenched in regret, my burdens too heavy to bear! My own cross I wish not to carry, sorrow scourging my heart. ‘If only things had happened otherwise’, I can say in regret for the rest of my life! But not a moment would arrive when my conscience would be clean, for guilt is only the strictest of disciplinarians. What am I to do other than shed tears of fire? Can I turn back the clocks and change things? Can I say a prayer of hope for the treasure of comfort? Can I leave things the way they are and move on? Yes I could! But what would I do those fearful nights when guilt constantly knocks on the door of my heart? None of this world give me their forgiveness! The fragrance of hope has long abandoned my senses! Faith seems only like a foolish endeavor! Am I to face the wrath of sorrow and regret for all the years to come? Or wait for the mercy of the unseen? Or remain in the prisons of confusion lost in thought for the few years of eternity that are left of me? Tears of fire! Tears of fire! They burn my cheeks and steal my vision! Tears of fire, the gift of guilt, eventually my soul’s destined bane!
A song of sorrow I whistle in the dark corridors of my heart, a song of hopelessness in the depths of my mind! My eyes take me places I’ve feared all my life! My ears hear things I’ve feared all my life! The winds tell me stories I never wished to hear!
A new darkened meaning to life I have found, and I am mercilessly consumed by it!
A new path I have chosen, one with no end, filled with fire that can be quenched only by evil thirsts! Thirsts to satisfy wrongful desires! And although quenched, done so falsely!
I am surrounded by trickery! The end is near! I am wasted and hurt in a desert of misery!
Just when my eyes are closing, my heart succumbing to the forces of sorrow, somewhere in the distance, I hear a hopeful voice! A ray of light, an angel singing, hope has arrived, maybe a minute too late, but still, arrived to wipe my tears of fire!

Screamjack

Prayer

There is this friend of mine who I meet very often, and he keeps telling me he cannot understand prayer! He keeps explaining to me how prayer always fails to make sense in his head! Well, just a while ago, I looked into his eyes and asked him,
“When you pray, do you believe someone is listening?”
He didn’t answer, he just began to pray and experience heaven’s wonders!
I make no accusation against my friend, nor do I agree with his former opinion of prayer!
See the power of prayer is twofold! It depends not alone in the power of God but in the power of our Faith! God is intangible in the physical world! But that does not mean he has an inability to work wonders in this world! See, his wonders are worked through us! For he lives in us and we are his image! So considering this notion of mine, I can safely say that the power of our prayers has a very close relationship with our faith!
Another weakness of man is he asks more rather than thank, when he prays!
Prayer is not an opportunity to sit down and cry to God about all the things He hasn’t given us! It is an opportunity to sit down and thank Him for all the things He has given us and for all that he is going to give us, for we know and we believe all things that come from Him are good! See this friend of mine, there were days when he would cry to me and tell me, I pray and I pray, but He never listens! And everyday I find it harder for I am struck with this thought, “Why do I speak to someone I cannot see? Am I mad?” I told him that faith is blind and its beauty lies in its extent of blindness! We live in a world where people say all that glitters is not gold! Does this line make sense if our minds wish to see stone as gold or lead as gold? We have eyes and two of them only, but the two of mine have caused so much sin in me I wish God had given me only one so I could halve my guilt! What is sight? Is it a gift of God? Or is it a limit that man draws to hinder his stream of thought?
We have five senses and five senses alone! And yes we do have a few people who bring in the sixth sense. Five or six, do you think these senses, without which we are mere vegetables, are enough to completely understand the Power that dwells above? No!
See prayer is not something we do forcefully, or words we say for the sake of those words being said, or for the satisfaction of a neighbor’s ears! See prayer is a weapon! A weapon against man’s greatest enemy, temptation! And how great is God to give us such a beautiful weapon!
Let me put forth an example to form a communication pathway between my mind and yours! We have an extremely intelligent man who develops an unimaginable computer program that works wonders! In this case, man is the creator and the program is the created! Do you wish to tell me, that the program can understand the mind of the programmer? I am hopeful you do not, for then I would safely term you, either insane or rudely disagreeable! This is an example to just explain why we cannot understand the power of God!
A program is just a code that has logical sense, but our God, how loving He is to create programs in his own image! Programs that he doesn’t use, but loves! And how loving He is to shower on us ample gifts and work through us His unimaginable wonders!
Prayer is our weapon, prayer is our communication with God, and prayer is our source of comfort! We do not pray because we need to pray, but we pray because we want to pray!
For prayer under compulsion is almost ineffective but prayer under will can work wonders!
I will tell you a little more about this friend of mine! He fretted for days about the fact that he could make no communication with God! He questioned me a million times and most of the times, I had an answer! This is no boast of mine for this friend was none other than the image in my mirror!
Prayers work! Give God a chance, you’ll never regret it!
Peace

Screamjack

Faith!

Christ my love, my savior, my God!
In a situation where hope seems like a foolish endeavor, you make it seem otherwise. See I have understood that faith is a recognition of the reality that is yet to be seen. I am but a mindless romantic with hopes beyond dreams and dreams beyond desires and my words may seem to you like a maze with no exit. My apology for this is sincere.
In this work of mine, I wish to indulge in the splendors of faith! See man accepts the existence of that divine power that governs the plan that keeps us in safety. He accepts the existence of the "Almighty"! But tell me, why in the vastness of the universe does man deny the power of his creator! What is the beginning and what is the end? What is the power of the unseen? We put our hopes in Science! What is Science? Nothing but a progressive perception of what we refer to as "God"! Dwell not in the home that shelters the plan of man but realize the fact that what is unseen is more powerful than what is seen!
We the human race, who are we? We are the created and not the creator! Our intelligence lies in the will of the creator!
Avoid your ego, and build the gratitude that you are meant to, towards the creator!
Faith is not something you can explain with numbers and equations! Faith is a state of transcendence, that enables man to make the impossible, yes indeed, possible!
Christ, I love Him!
Do you know why? Cause when we consider faith and God, we question ourselves asking "Does God know our feelings, emotions, sorrows and shortcomings?"
Let me devolve to you a very important piece of information!
You may criticize and yes it is a great possibility that you may disagree with me! But God! Don't you think he gave us the greatest gift mankind can ever receive? Christ! He came down and went through the temptation that man experiences! He overcame it! He experienced the pain, sorrow and misery that we all do! And he died! And yes, he overcame death!
And do you know what that means? It means there does exist a great deal of hope for all of us.
Sorrow is our friend! A dear teacher who purges us of our sins!
The world is a pool of sin! One way does exist with which we can transcend from the desires of the flesh and satisfy the desire of our soul! Salvation has been offered, but we can be saved only if we accept the offer!
Forget the perception of your eyes and build faith in the perception of your heart!
Happiness is undefined without faith! You have a task at hand!
Define it!
Peace

The Tale Of A Ten Rupee Note

And so my story begins,
In the south country,
Switching pockets at the wink of an eye,
In my youth,
I found the respect of man,
For his greatest desires I could buy.

He treated me well,
In pride he would tell,
The tale of how he strived to earn me
But then came greed,
That made his sense bleed,
And he sold me to a merchant over a cup of tea.

The rich merchant,
The agent of greed,
He tossed me into his sparkling vault
But then he sold me,
A bribe! A disgrace!
I was used to shelter, his great fault!

As time took its toll,
On my reputation,
I saw my status swoop down like an eagle
But then there were moments,
When I would still find,
The hands of men who were rich and regal

Then came a day,
When I found the hands,
Of a curious young boy on the threshold of manhood,
His desires he embraced,
In blinding haste,
With me by his side forgetting the lessons of childhood

Then the young lady,
Driven by emotions,
Standing on the thin rope of doubt
She wasted my value,
On material desire,
And in her satin gown, she hopelessly roamed about



One blissful morning,
I found the fingers,
Of a famous man, rich but humble
He won my respect,
For his humility,
And when he used me, his character did not stumble.

One cold night,
A pretty young girl,
Dropped me in the hands of a distraught beggar
It was this deed
That I truly cherished,
A twinkle of hope, after most had withered

The old is forgotten,
The new has begun,
Man has lost his love for me.
My value is smaller,
His desires are greater,
No longer can I bring him that joyous glee.

The deeds I had done,
The hearts I had won,
When I roamed the country in my prime!
The memories have passed,
My value is lost,
Somewhere in the foggy ruins of time!

Screamjack

Psalm 151

Pick up your harps and raise your voices,
Sound your cymbals, sound them loud!
Offer your hearts and not only your tongues,
To your creator to whom your soul is vowed!

You sluggards who live, chained to wine
Be not fretful, but come to repent,
The Lord God, awaits eagerly for your return,
After you left his care and down your own road went.

Come to see the true wonders of faith,
And do not indulge in desires of vanity,
A splendid home in the holy sanctuary,
Has the Lord God for you for the rest of eternity

God I have sinned, my tears deserve no sympathy,
My heart stumbles over the hard logs of sin,
My dignity dwells beneath the soil of the earth,
Release me from the bondages of flesh and skin!

Woe to them, they who reject your word,
They who bring dirt into your holy temple,
Forgive them God, for sin has enslaved them,
Wash them with your water and cleanse your temple!

Lover of sinners, King of the heavens,
Forgive the adulteress, redeem the thief
For your hand is not too short to save,
But this world too meek in its belief!

My creator, chain my heart to your love,
Let it not wander and go astray,
Let me be a beacon light to this world,
Remember me my savior, on judgment day

The trees rustle and the great rivers flow,
According themselves to your steadfast will
Great is your name, and holy your presence,
And it is only your word by which prophesies are fulfilled!

The earth is garlanded by your loving rainbow,
And life you give us with sweet scented air
Your name shall remain for all eternity,
And never shall there be another to compare!

Screamjack

Reminisce

Love, mistakes and sorrow are the three teachers God appoints to lead us to happiness.....

Reminisce

Yes, heaven had a different plan,
Though the skies told us otherwise,
And love had some other strange purpose,
To accomplish in our blindfolded lives!

Perhaps, lies a secret to which I’m a stranger,
Lingering behind the curtains of sorrow,
To reveal to me a certain divine plan,
That instills hope of a brighter tomorrow!

You now dwell in the myriad of my memories,
Swimming into my conscience that rare day,
No more are you accountable to my heart’s crown,
And yes, the divine plan was you not to stay!

As beneath sorrow’s taming stick,
I have in obedience learnt his law,
I now dwell in the realm of reason,
And have freed myself of anger’s destructive claws!

The past was bitter we are dutiful to admit,
Drowning in the ocean of our emotions,
Victimized by momentary thoughts and feelings,
Laying our decisions in the hands of futile notions!

But love is like a poem that lives forever,
Dwelling in the heart of the faithful artist,
And in the hearts of all who indulge,
Floating within like a thin light mist!

But its remnants are only the moments pleasant,
That cradle rather than scar the soul,
So time taught me to accept the loss,
And wisdom to find Him who made me whole!

I can now smile as I reminisce,
Plunging deep into my mind,
My soul now can willfully smile,
As I stop my life, and for a while rewind!

Akash Ovian

The Corrupted Purpose

The Corrupted Purpose

Is it not true that in life it is every moment that we are craving for a divine experience, something that is beyond the perception of our human eyes and something that is beyond the perception of touch, smell and sound? Then why is it that we believe only that which we see, hear, touch and smell?
The forces of this world are deceiving us, playing with our fragile minds, and playing so cruelly we do not know we are being played with!
What is the purpose of life, the purpose of our existence in this world? We have perceived numerous things, numerous sights, numerous emotions and feelings but yet, we have found not the ability to perceive our purpose here!
We seek salvation in plants, chemicals, and funnily clad deceitful people!
We lay the fate of our lives in the hands of futile superstitions!
I will tell you what our purpose is in this world! I speak not with wisdom or knowledge, but I speak with faith, for the eyes of my heart have taught me this.
Our purpose here in this world is to complete our journey here, and eventually enter into union with our Maker, our Creator, the Lord of every cell and molecule we can see or touch! Our souls are craving for this union, they cry out loud for this union! But the pleasures of this world, so powerful and strong lure us to believe that we can find this union in mere plants, chemicals and other such substance! I have indulged in these and so I tell you, they are a fake! They will deceive you and then destroy you! They will offer you a divine experience, untrue and unreal! They will show you places which will trigger your mind, trigger your flesh, and make you believe that which does not exist! They will hold you captive, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially! They will tear your soul apart, your body apart, and so cruelly you will not realize it till it has been done! I tell you now, the more fruit you feed your body, the more harm you do your soul!
Are we the pinnacle of creation so weak in faith that we shall believe only if we see?
Our purpose has been corrupted here! We search what our body craves for rather than what our soul craves for! I tell you we may be the pinnacle of all creation, exalted in intelligence, clever and powerful, but tell me, what truly is greatness? WHAT TRULY IS GREATNESS! That a man sleeps with a satisfied belly at night uncaring and inconsiderate of his brother who lies on hard stone unfed and drenched in sorrow just a few miles away? Tell me, is that greatness?
And why is man so proud? Without the power that dwells in heaven do you think man has even the slightest ability to breathe the air which keeps him alive?
Our purpose here has been corrupted!
The purpose of man is to live this life in accordance to his Creator! To the will of his Creator! We are just instruments of God, and we do not own our souls to do what we wish and will with it! We do not own even our bodies to do what we wish and will with it! We were bought with a price, the blood of God Himself!
We are accountable to a greater force, and it is only in this greater force that we can find salvation and happiness! TRUE HAPPINESS!
Our purpose here has been corrupted!
I tell you now, you may fret and weep saying I have done all the good in this world, but what have I to show for it? Why has God forsaken me? Why does the world persecute me for doing what is right?
I tell you, God will give the evil man all his human heart desires, all that his body ever wanted and all his eyes wished to see, but in that crucial moment, he will let his hand go!
But the righteous man, he will put through suffering, he will put through pain and misery, but at that crucial moment, that moment which truly matters, he will never let go, and he will be with you till the end!
So do not live to satisfy your desires and your needs, God knows what you desire and what you need, and these he will give you at the right time!
Rather live righteously, and you will find happiness!
Do not fall prey to temptation, it will only destroy you and teach you pleasures you can never understand! What is pleasure if it is unreal? What is happiness if it is unreal? It is but a damned lie that will lead you to the prisons of sorrow!
I speak in the name of God, your purpose here has been corrupted, turn around and seek what you truly desire, you will find salvation, and a happiness you will cherish for all of eternity!

Akash, Soldier Of Christ

Lover Of My Soul

Lover Of My Soul

I'm eighteen, a dangerous age in a dangerous world. An age of formation, an age where girls and boys seek their purposes in life, an age of transformation from boys to men and girls to women. For about two years, I had been feeding my body with material that triggered my flesh, made it twitch in pleasure. And the horrific thing was, I always thought it right. I was a slave, to such a cruel master that he got his deeds done with me thinking otherwise. I was lost in a world where my eyes fell prey to colorful illusions, those which were too attractive for my body to resist.
I lost care for my family, and seemed to be fighting a force much greater than my human strengths. This force was destroying my mind, in a very slow and cruel manner.
At this time, all that mattered to me was the satisfaction of my human desires, to calm them, to tame them foolishly with harmful substance. I was foolish to think salvation existed in mere earthly plants and chemicals. I was so lost in the unreal world that I thought it a divine experience. I was losing my purpose in life, and real slowly, started to lose my head as well.
Something started to tell me that I needed to open the eyes of my heart and close my human eyes. I could feel this craving in me, to find true peace. Peace that was permanent, peace that was real. I needed a real divine experience.
A week back I made my way to a retreat centre in Kerala, a little place called Muringoor, the Divine Retreat Centre, close to the port of cochin.
I had been to this place before, five times, to be precise.
Each time I came out smiling, thinking I had been freed of all my bondages, but never ceased to return to my old ways. This time, something was different, I could feel it, I knew it.
The retreat was for a week long, and it was an International Youth Conference, the fourth one being held there. There were these preachers from different corners of the world, and of course, the priests who administered the retreat centre.
So I attended the retreat, the days going by, slowly, people telling me how this world was all bad and all that stuff, and how I needed Jesus, and he was the only way and all that stuff we always hear.
I have to say, my faith had been weakened over the last two years. Anyway, they went on and on and on, I listened though, something just made me listen! Thursday had come, a weird sort of peace in my head. Well it was some sort of peace, so I embraced it anyway. I would go to the chapels of the Holy Sacrament and pray.
That Thursday, I told God that I was never coming back to the retreat centre ever again, and I needed him to show me some sort of sign in my life, any sort of sign, I needed to change, cause my heart was in misery, shattered and broken, though I didn't show it, deep inside, I knew it well.
Anyway, I prayed for a while. Thursday evening, there was this session called Inner Healing. They say there are these emotional wounds that accumulate over the years which have a great effect on your personality and your approach in life, and there were no medical miracles that could solve the matter, and God was the only healer.
Anyway, I believed it was true and attended the session. The Blessed Sacrament was there, on the altar, Fr. Augustine Vallooran praying for us all. I had attended this session five times before, but something told me, this time was going to be different. The priest went on, talking about how we could've been abused when we were young, taken advantage of by people, how certain relationships could've immensely hurt us, how the sudden death of someone could've almost killed us, and all that sort of horrific stuff. So everyone around was praising God and stuff, and a few of them started to cry. There was this moment, when I raised my voice and cried out to God. With all the faith in my heart I yelled to Jesus asking him to save me. And yes, I was actually yelling! I started to praise him, and I told him that there was nothing in this world that had given me peace and satisfaction so far, and He had to give it to me, He just had to. I began to cry, remembering all the sorrows of my past, surrendering them all to Jesus. Then came the moment of salvation, this current of peace that just raced through my body! I felt it more emotionally than physically. It was this unbelievable feeling, like someone had just put their hands in my heart and removed all of my sorrow and doubt. That moment, I knew, I had been touched, and saved. I cried out to Christ in this childish sort of happiness! I must tell you, it was an experience I will remember for the rest of my life. There was nothing in the world, and I tell you honestly, nothing in the world that had ever made me feel this way before! I felt loved, I felt this peace which was actually peace. I looked up at Jesus, and with all of my heart, I cried out, Thank You! That moment was a divine experience. A real divine experience, which no plant or chemical could ever have given me. I felt like crying out loud, Jesus! Jesus! And that's all I felt like doing! Cause the peace that entered me that day, was what my soul had always been craving for! I realized that the more fruit I gave my flesh, the more I made my soul sin!
I had met the lover of my soul, and he had promised me that he will stay forever, and all I needed to do, was remain faithful to him.
I tell you in the name of Jesus, nothing in this world will give you what your soul desires! Nothing in this world! And what your soul desires, your body can never understand. Speak to the lover of your soul, and let him enter your heart! He stands outside, knocking gently, he will enter only if you open the door!
Look up at him, he loves you, and what he can give you, no one else can!
Jesus Rules!

Akash

Akash's Letter To The Minister

Akash’s Letter To The Minister

Dear Minister,
I am a magician with words, but my tricks are seldom intended to cause harm, but often guidelines which you shall find of interest.
I indulge not in the shallow beliefs of man, nor am I an admirer of the administrative systems of the world. If you converse with me, you may assume me an aimless wanderer, but I assure you, I am neither aimless, nor ambitious, I am just a realist, an optimistic realist I might add. I have devolved the merest personal data which a necessity, to you, I must begin.
From my elders heard have I, that there exists a document of rules! And there exists a few bodies which manipulate and improvise these rules to the comfort of the community we call society. These bodies, these organizations, these little groups of people are the elements of concern! These few elements, these cults of corruption are my dearest concern! Dutiful of them it is to govern in accordance to THE LAW! Dutiful it is of them to govern in accordance to RIGHTEOUSNESS! Or so it is mentioned in this document of rules, which I have been told of. But why in all the vastness of the universe do these people do otherwise? Why do we live in a den clouded by the desires of greedy individuals? Change is needed minister, and hastily! I make not a plea to you, nor an order, but just an effort to aware you of the needs of your people!
And they are in need! The people of this world give confidence in hope of a better day to come, a happier story to tell, and a brighter future to look forward to! Not confidence to permit merciless corruption and inconsiderate governance! Governance! Despicable governance, constantly causing disappointment within society!
Materialism is a curse that is in need of destruction, not of support and acceptance!
I stamp it upon your head dear minister, even a lazy government is worth forgiveness, but never a corrupt one!
Have you noticed minister, that every morning you wake up, your first breath feels so innocent? But as you proceed through the day, like thunder comes upon you temptation, desire and ambition! An evil man shall fall prey to these games like a gambler falls prey to roulette! A lazy man shall ignore them! A good man shall challenge them and win them over! Doesn’t this remind you of the government of the day?
The men and women, fresh with a pure mind, enter office with great ambitions and honest purposes, but the evil of the world lures them into a path of maddening temptation! Why does the government of the day always fall prey to these games?
Are they incapable? Are they unwilling to accept the challenge? Are they greedy to settle for the satisfaction of attractive yet sinful temporary desires?
Tell me minister! I wish to know!
We speak of advancements and developments! We speak of moving towards a greater and happier future! But we still nonchalantly ignore the true needy! We still prefer cosmetic comforts over another man’s meal! Despicable!
We are the human race, painted by a divine artist! And like all splendid paintings, there is more to us than meets the eye. We are more than what we have become! We are a race which has misunderstood freedom for power and intelligence for pride!
Change is needed minister, and hastily!
The world trusts in you minister, and the majority honestly trust in you. The world is not a chessboard, it is a beating heart and you are the mind which governs every single one of its beats! You know that one can survive not without the other!
Millions wish for your end, but billions wish for a change in you! The end is not a solution, but change most definitely is! The power vested in you is holy, and misuse it you must not!
I seem like a rebellious young man with more of a heart than a mind, but forgive me minister! I am but a mindless romantic, with dreams beyond desires, and hopes beyond dreams.

Akash Ovian

The Eulogy Of Sorrow

The Eulogy Of Sorrow

I am but a mindless romantic, with dreams beyond desires, and hopes beyond dreams, but I have chosen today the tremendously difficult task, to deliver the last words of respect to our dear friend sorrow. We stand here, joyous and ecstatic, at this funeral, to bid goodbye to a friend, who taught us that the world was not just what it seemed, but more, and a friend who taught us that life was not just what it seemed, but more, and a comrade who never abandoned us until we discovered that which we sought most, his misconceived greatest rival, happiness. When I was four, the world was a pool of playthings, and I thought it was perfect.
But sorrow, the teacher of honesty crept in ever so slowly and taught me, that though all was not perfect, there existed in us the ability to live with the imperfect!
When I was twelve and change was inevitable, sorrow, the teacher of life crept in ever so slowly and taught me, that though change was inevitable, there existed in us the ability to accept change!
When I was in a world of color, fascinated by all that caught the eye, sorrow crept in ever so slowly and taught me, that all that glittered was not gold!
We lived our years despising sorrow, cursing him, radiating enormous amount of hatred towards him! Little did we realize that at the station of creation, sorrow was intertwined with our existence!
Every time in life I sought a meaning to happiness, I understood that true happiness could be discovered only if true sorrow had been discovered!
Sorrow our dear friend, today strike me it does that you were the gift of heaven!
The billions gathered here, at your funeral, offer you their most immense gratitude for the works you have committed in their lives.
You devoured pride when it wished to cause my downfall, and you taught me humility when I wanted it not, but needed it. And then in my hands you lovingly offered the great treasure of wisdom. Now it has come of my mere human understanding, that your presence in my life was a basic necessity! Now it has struck my humbled heart that you were as vital to it as the blood that quenches its thirst.
My dear friend, I wish to honestly declare, that the world will never miss you, but will always be thankful for what it has learnt beneath your taming stick! You were indeed, a ruthless disciplinarian yet a great teacher, and though every minute the world wished you to flee, you moved not an inch but proceeded with your task. Your task to lead us to your misconceived rival, happiness! How cruel of the world to shed not a single tear at your passing, the world you tamed and taught, loved and cared for! But I understand that this is your fate, and I know you knew it as well, from the very beginning.
Now that your task has been accomplished, the world celebrates in joy and happiness!
What an ignorant world? A world which knows not where its joy came from! A world which fails to realize he who it despised most, brought to them what it desired most!
My gratitude will never suffice to do you justice, but I know you wish not for it.
You were my teacher, and when distracted I was by colorful snakes and dangerous desires, you were there to lead me where I was meant to go.
When I was lost in a world overflowing with materialistic fanatics, you taught me that the satisfaction of human desires were naught but a temporary pleasure, but there was a deeper meaning to my existence in this world.
The time has finally come, to bid you goodbye. I am grateful for the true happiness you helped me discover! I know will come the moment when the world shall be grateful as well. Sorrow my friend, may your soul rest in peace.

Akash Ovian